New Manager Wanted: Co-Dependents Need Not Apply

For many the idea of success in life includes climbing a corporate ladder to a management job.  Some employees believe if they work at a company long enough, they are entitled to move into management, as though getting a management position just takes time.  Unfortunately, not all of those who aspire to management are cut out for it.  Especially, those who have difficulty maintaining good boundaries and the need to be liked.

 In short, codependents need not apply.

Codependency is the tendency to put others’ needs ahead of one’s own with the underlying belief that the receiver is beholden.  You better believe that unseen strings are attached as the codependent giver considers their giving a sacrifice. They often protect others from the natural consequences of their own actions, like the manager who uses company funds to make the car payments for her administrative assistant, didn’t budget accurately.  Codependent managers do things for employees that the employees are able to do themselves, which prevents or interferes with the employee attaining new skills.  An example of this would be a manager jumping into to perform a task instead of spending time to train the employee to do it because it’s easier and faster for the manager to do it himself.  And in each instance of codependent behavior, the manager resents the fact that they are doing it whether they admit it or not.

Other signs of codependent managers might be:

·         Not enforcing work rules, so employees will like them .

·         Delaying or avoiding completely addressing employee issues because they walk on egg shells around employees who get angry easily when issues are addressed.

·         Jumping in to fix employee mistakes or problems when the employee could do it themselves.

·         Having a tendency to hire people who seem to need rescuing or are down on their luck.

In contrast, being an effective and empowering manager requires many skills and abilities, including:

·         Building respectful relationships with employees without the desire to be liked.

·         Meeting obstacles or conflict head on without being overbearing.

·         Handling resistance when managing organizational change without giving in to the  discomfort of learning new ways of operating.

·         Respecting rules, policies, procedures, and parameters, without unquestioning compliance.

The more effective and empowering manager understands the her duty is to the organization and its interests.  This helps her understand that effective management is not culling favor with employees to further her personal psychological needs.

Instead, good management is about promoting acquisition of new competencies for employees that allow them to work through the awkwardness of getting better at something over time for the good of the organization, without feeling the need to rescue employees from making every mistake.  In turn, this approach increases the employee’s sense of competence and control over their work.

Finally, the empowering manager encourages new coping abilities in employees to replace maladaptive behavior.  The empowering manager says “no” when it’s in the best interest of the organization, allows employees to feel angry or sad when needed, tolerates healthy conflict, and asks for what she herself needs in the workplace.

How are your boundaries at work?