Conflict Avoidance is "Naughty" -- Conflict is "Nice"

A manager calls me in a panic wanting to know what to do with the incompetent, unprofessional, badly behaved employee who has just done something exasperating, mind-boggling, terrible, and/or unbelievably stupid.  “I’m fed up with so-and-so.  He’s worked here for 10 years and he’s still ______ (fill in the blank with any number of bad behaviors or evidence of poor performance).  I’m tired of this and I want him gone!”

I ask, “What have you done so far to let him know it’s a problem that needs to be corrected?  Any warnings?  Poor performance evaluations?”

“No.  I’ve just put up with it.  But it’s gone on too long and it needs to stop now! He needs to go!”

(Heavy sigh on my end of the phone.)

It never ceases to amaze me how often managers avoid talking to employees about issues as though to bring up something unpleasant would be “mean”.  In reality, the desire to be “nice” and well-liked by avoiding conflict and failing to correct the employee’s mistaken understanding of expectations at work is “mean”.

Conflict avoidance leads to enabling, because it:

• Prevents or interferes with the other person’s acquisition of new competencies
• Reduces another person’s sense of power or control over life events and self-efficacy
• Reinforces old or maladaptive behavior such as procrastination or passivity.

Addressing the issue in a healthy way leads to empowerment of the other person, because it:

• Promotes acquisition of new competencies
• Increases another’s sense of control or power over a situation
• Encourages new coping abilities to replace maladaptive behavior.

Conflict is a natural part of interacting with others because we don’t all think, believe, or act the same.  In the workplace, conflict occurs every minute of every day.  Handled appropriately, addressing workplace issues through healthy conflict and confrontation are very necessary processes.  Healthy conflict and confrontation allow a department, work group, business unit, or team to consider differing opinions and ideas before a course of action is chosen.  They allow for clarity to emerge out of differing opinions and interest.  However, when managers in charge of leading others don’t know how to approach conflict in the context of their responsibilities, the workplace becomes coated with the waxy buildup of unvoiced concerns, resentments, passive aggressive behavior, disengaged employees, and gossip.

As the end of the calendar year approaches, leaders in many organizations are wrapping up performance evaluation cycles and deciding which employees will get merit increases for 2011.  It’s a good time to reflect on how well you’ve brought clarity to your workplace by addressing issues rather than avoiding them.  Have you been "naughty" or "nice"?